Friday, December 17, 2010

New Crocheted Items

Blush Gloves. $20

Color me Scraps Scarf. $20

Baby Blanket. $40

With the huge amounts of time I've had, from lack of work, I have been crocheting things and I have to say I am quite proud of them all. I do have another baby blanket that I finished but forgot to take a picture of it before it went away, hopefully I'll get that soon. With this rainy weather, I think scarfs and cute gloves are appropriate and I can accommodate any color a buyer wishes.
If interested you can contact me via email:
Hope you like them! I also have previous designs in the later posts.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Little Sohpie Tess

Sophie Tess at 14 weeks
Sorry, its been such a long time since I've blogged, which has prevented me from telling the exciting news. If you haven't figured it out already, We are having a little girl! yay! Christian was a bit disappointed but I already know that this girl is going to be so spoiled! With two Godfathers and an already protective dad... I hope that just makes me a cool mom. Christian and his best friend Cam are already practicing that scene from Bad Boys II where Will Smith's character finds Martin Lawrence's characters daughter going out on a date so they bully the boy a bit. But I suppose she'll need a bit of protection. If she's anything like her dad she'll be gorgeous. Blue eyes brown hair... I can't wait to meet her.
A week ago I felt her kick me for the first time! It was very exciting. We were on our way home from Disneyland and I just ate a piece of a delicious chocolate fudge cookie. I guess she must have liked it. Currently I am 18 1/2 weeks pregnant. And anxious to see her again. I have a check up a week from today, so I hope I get to see her again and see her little heartbeat. It's so weird. If I stay really still I swear I can feel it internally.
For now, I am enjoying the slow resolve of all the time morning sickness and her little movements that feel like butterflies in my belly. :)

Friday, October 22, 2010


Well It's not a surprise to some. But here it goes...

In July Christian and I got in contact again and started talking. In August we were back together. This is great news because he is the love of my life and he makes me incredibly happy. We went to Disneyland for my birthday, we went to Las Vegas to see my Uncle, we went to the
beach, hung out with family and things have been wonderful.

News of this may come to a shock to some, I know my summer has been pretty crazy, but I believe some of it was necessary. I was still figuring out a lot about myself. It was a growing process for both Christian and I while we were apart, but we can never be apart for two long. We love each other so much and it continues to show everyday.

In September, the 17th to be exact we got even more news. Our little family is going to be growing to 3. That's right, I am pregnant and I am due May 6th.

Though this isn't exactly the right time for me considering I just finally started Cal Poly, Christian and I just got back together and our financial
situation isn't the best... I kinda see it as a blessing and miracle. The doctors, since I was 17, have told me that there is a strong possibility that I may never be able to have a child. So our little muffin is a miracle.

To be perfectly honest, I was depressed for the first 3 weeks of knowing but I have come to terms with and see that God gave me this special gift. There are still so many things I want to do in my life and I may not be ready and willing to have a child, but God has other plans for me it seems.
So I hope all who read this will be happy for me and know that I am so happy in my life right now. Things will be hard and my health is definitely a concern, but I have a great family support system and look forward to meeting my little baby.

Disneyland August 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

Pie #3 - Lemon Meringue

So my third pie is a Lemon Meringue. It's very yummy I have to say. Of course I started off with the crust, which went beautifully. I was very proud of the way it was made and how it didn't break. Although when I had to pre-fully cook the crust the weights were not heavy enough which caused the crust to shrink a bit and rise from the pan.
The lemon part was the easiest I have to say. I lot of lemon straining was involved. For the meringue, I kept thinking I was doing something wrong because it was only getting slightly puffy. Just turns out that it's meant to be whipped for a long time before the right fluffiness takes place (something I'll know for next time).

So although the meringue isn't fluffy, it still taste good. Today I'm going to bring it to work to share with my co workers. Hopefully they like it.

(someone took a chunk of the Meringue- i guess it was that good :D)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Things are just beginning.

So... my birthday came and went without any hoopla. It's the way I wanted it to go anyways.
It started out with Monkey coming home from work, checking my email to find out an old friend of the family and his son got arrested for selling drugs, to receiving my incredibly cool new bike - a red cruiser with a cool red basket (i'll have to post the picture later)- going out to breakfast to have my favorite- eggs benedict, to going to Khols to pick up my second gift from Monkey - Reebok Simply Tone shoes - a quick stop at Barnes & Noble for a drink to pretty much spending the rest of the day playing Halo's ODST. The evening was followed by Sushi and tears with all the stress of the events with the family, coming home to make an awesome Pecan Pie (picture to the left) and drinking lots of wine and spa time. My favorite moments are the bike, the pie and kicking Halo butt while being really
tipsy. The other days follow with a small family gathering with none of my brothers showing up, going back to monkeys to drink more wine and spa time. Next day is, I have to say the best because it involves Disneyland where we brought Vodka and Cranberry juice. Fantastic idea! (not that Disneyland isn't awesome alone). It ended up being an absolutely beautiful and memorial day and the best part was that I kicked Monkey's ass on the buzz ride (picture to the right).
And that, my friends, was my birthday weekend.

In other news, Evan my younger brother was released from the house after several incidents, my mother is out of the ICU and is feeling better from her kidney infection, Evan is also healing from a big wound on his hand that led him a trip the the ER, my older brother Jarrod is high in spirits but is in and out of the ER and we are hoping he recovers from all his sicknesses soon.

The rest of September goes as follows, mourning my rejection into the RCC Chamber Singers, I guess that was bound to happen sooner or later, the death of music career and starting Cal Poly Pomona as an English Literature major.

Now it might seem that I am a bit bitter, and you could be correct in some ways, however. I am incredibly happy with one thought, that now options are wide open and the possibilities are endless. I have no ties to RCC anymore so I can disappear from that scene and soon I will disappear from Barnes & Noble seen if I can move closer to school and I can do whatever I want and start over. It's what I've been looking forward too for a while now. The possibilities seem endless and I am excited about them. I can start living a life, at least a new one.

It feels like things are just beginning, and I'm 23.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


So there is this show that got cancelled a couple years ago. It was called Pushing Daisies. I loved that show. It was about this man named Ted who had the power to bring things back to life and he was a pie maker, owner of the Pie Hole. This summer I got reconnected with the two seasons that survived (thanks to Netflix) and became obsessed all over again. I went out and bought me an apron, which isn't finished, and a pie pan.

Well yesterday I made my first Pie. It's an Apple Pie Crust. It's so yummy too!

I told my parent that my new goal in life was to own my own pie store. I swear it could be the next big thing :) We'll see how it goes...

Friday, August 13, 2010

A Summer with my brother

This is a really rough and spontaneous video we did where my nephew is recording. There will be a better one up soon hopefully. My Brother just bought a new guitar and a little recording device.

I was really hoping this summer would be filled with great music we could make and though I've written a lot of lyrics and melodies, life does get busy and my brother wasn't really as focused as I was. But that's okay. I know when the moment is right again, we'll make another great song we will be proud of.

When Jarrod and I are together, it feels like anything can happen. He has truly been my angel this summer. The big brother, and brother, I've always wanted. God granted me that this summer. In good timing too.

On Tuesday we hung out and after 5 mins of brainstorming we went to Disneyland where I obtained a pass. We had a little "spirits" with us, which made it all the more fun. Recreated a bit of his childhood memories since he hasn't been there since he was a child. And we both loved the fireworks... well I always do, but I was glad he enjoyed them too. We went home with great memories.

Jarrod has made this summer unforgettable. We've been unbelievably drunk together (while making this song), gone to the beach and spent time with Scott (my real dad), ate a ton of yogurt, shopping, bars, having great conversations and most importantly, had a ton of laughs. He taught me how to not to sweat the small stuff and brush it off my shoulder. He taught me how to laugh again as well.

I know he'll be leaving soon to have another adventure, and I'll miss him when he's gone. But I know when he does come home again, another Jarrod and Shan adventure will begin.

Love you Jarrod. Thanks for looking out for me

Monday, August 9, 2010

Proud of me

My life is extraordinary. Honestly. This summer has been a blast so far and it always ends with my birthday which is happening in 18 days. I will be a 23 year old woman finally going to a University, living in my parents house, working at Barnes & Noble, writing and making music, recently blonde dreaming lady - with lots of potential, just waiting for opportunity. But most of all, I will be a self satisfied person. That is what I have been dreaming of my whole life. I am happy with me, myself, in my own skin. And yet nothing has changed except for the attitude that I surround my own thoughts with. I am proud of me. It's a huge accomplishment.

Thanks to all who have helped me get to this place.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Always a bridesmaid never a Bride

Am I doomed? I have to fall in love or date the only boys on the planet that realize I'm just the girl to get to the next best thing. I'm that girl that they say, "Wow, she opened my eyes to so many things and now I am truly ready to go after what I want." But I'm never the girl who will be forever. The forever part is the, "I'll always be thankful for what you showed me." And that was again....

This past month has been so strange. I went back to my old ways of being single. I'm single and mingling. I flirt, tease, and wink then I go home and I'm alone in thought with nothing but my magic window starring at me like a judgmental little bitch. My magic window.... the place where I dream. It use to be so happy.

It's actually been happy. I haven't thought about Xtian aka Christian in a bit. I've got other things on my mind. Happy things like making music, a zombie movie, working, Browser, and lots of friends. Then I get the text. "Officially booked for 9-23-2011" Always a bridesmaid and never a bride. That is my dreaded fate. One of my good friends is getting married at the place where Xtian and I had loved. It's a stab in the heart. I am one of the bridesmaids. She was to have been one of mine as well. On top of that I have all these mags and a wedding planner book AND I still get about 5 emails a day for wedding stuff. And when you unsubscribe they ask "what is the reason?" OH BECAUSE MY FIANCÉ DOESN'T KNOW IF HE LOVES ME ANYMORE. How's that for a slap in the face. Thanks for asking.

I know they say love is supposed to be complicating and it's something you work at, but what happened to just loving someone. The simplicity of it. No games, just "I love you." But love has become a word produced too much. No one thinks of it the same anymore. Now it's like "love ya" or "I'll always love you in some way" or "I think I love her/him." LOVE. Love is passionate, crazy, irreplaceable, beautiful and smells like a rose. It's not "love ya" or we have to work on it, It's present. You do or you don't. And it's not a choice.

But I'm the girl that no one ever chooses to love, or if they do, it's not very long. It's a transitioning phase. I'm the girl in love with love who gets to be the bridesmaid who sees it and never gets to keep it.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Love's Failure

I had a dream last night
Talking trees and flying fish
Was I asleep last night
Shooting starts I couldn't wish

In the darkness of dreams
you stood in the light
We are upside down, drowning in dreams

Beyond the obvious
In the light from the sun
I'm not the one.
You stood in time
You're loves failure-
The sadness in my twinkle
So I sing Hallelujah
To the end of my life.

* I was originally writing in hopes of conjuring up a song in me, but then they all turn out into this poetic stream of consciousness. Who knows, maybe one day it'll be a song. For right now, it's part of my release.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


It became a story to tell, another page in a book-a memory erased. The best writing comes with dreams, dreams of love, to come and go. The ark days that flow so close.
If I shut my eyes I'll sleep forever, dreaming of a space to exist where love exist beyond two souls. Had I escaped, there'd be no letting go.
Time just froze. The magic is damage. I'm left with just a few, butterflies, I caught them on sight. I shut my eyes and I exist in a space where there is no you.

Black hearts stained by blood existing on the cut. Red is a dry desire that fire puts to shame. We become the game with a simple twist of fate. By and by I stand outside myself hoping to escape, yet I'm on repeat and it's too late.

Some ramblings going on in my brain that only make since to me. I thought it sounded poetic.

Monday, May 3, 2010

I'm a lucky girl

So things have been good, but not necessarily easy. I have amazing friends. I forgot how amazing they are. Through everything we have been through and all my blah days they have really been there for me and are so supportive. It's a nice feeling to have. Yesterday we went out to karaoke. It was a blast. Here are a few shared moments:

The Beautiful Chelsea
Adoring Tanya
Caring Daniel
And the Sweetheart Hannah

I didn't even realize how lucky I was to have such great friends.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Summer of Great Things

I would give up words just to have him hold me in his arms; I would give up singing to kiss his sweet lips; and I would give up breathing to hear him say I love you while his baby blue eyes looked deep into my brown. It is he that I love, he that I adore. It is my mistake for not telling him that as often as I should.
Christian and I have parted ways and after looking back on it further I am surprised he didn't call it off sooner. I have drowned myself in everything that is wrong with my life that it became unbearable for him to even be around me. I wouldn't have wanted to be around me. I lost hope, passion and happiness. But above all I lost myself. I forgot how to live without him. That was my biggest mistake.
I love him, but I haven't been able to love myself so how can he possibly love me. As the days pass I learn more and more of what I have been missing in my life, and that would be the value of my self-worth. It is little to nothing. So it is my hope that in this separation that I shall find myself again. Find all those things that gave me the simplest pleasure. A life apart from him, a life that I am comfortable standing alone in.
It pains me to part from him because I love him so dearly. Being with him is the happiest I have ever been. He gave me light when at the time I saw only but darkness. I didn't tell him enough that he is my best friend and my soul mate. He deserves to hear that everyday.
My hope is that on the way to discovering my self-worth is that he won't forget about me. He won't forget about our love or that what he have is something so special. I could never forget about him. And although he will not be in the making of my self discovery nor in the plans of my future he will undoubtedly be my inspiration for moving forward, moving towards happiness.

So while I am headed on this new path I plan to live it up. I know it'll take time, and though I am highly impatient, but I intend to take each moment and every opportunity to learn and do something new. Starting with a hand made positive poster to hang on my wall. After that I want to join karate, find an art class in town, buy a few books, start writing stories again, create more crocheting projects, learn how to speak French better, work on my body image... and spread all the love I can give around.

This is going to be a summer of great things.

Friday, April 23, 2010

A Rose Melody

So here are several items that I make from my crochet line. Trying to start something new and fun. I would love all the help of spreading the word.

Blueberry Sunrise. $4
Flowers are $4 each or 3 for $10
Red and Gray Stripped Scarf. $20
Plain Jane. $4
Flirty Fire. $4
Pin Up Doll. $4
Purple, White and Gray scarf. $25
Irish Flag Beanie. $13
Green and Gray stripped scarf. $20
Sweet Lips. $4

Scarfs range from $20-$25. I also make baby blankets which sell for $40. All items can be made into requested colors.

More to come. Female beanies with Flower accessories. Baby headbands with Flower accessory. Pictures of baby blankets. I am more then happy to take in request to make anything as long as it is within my means of doing.

I came up with the name A Rose Melody because it was a blog name I had on Myspace. And I love roses, more like obsessed with them (as you might tell from the name of this blog). I am also passionate about music, and the beauty of them both kind of mesh together for me. So it seemed appropriate to pass on the name to my collection.

I hope you like and please spread the word. Thanks!


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

In a nut shell

What else can really go wrong? Honestly! So it's been told to me many times that I just move on from singing. The one constant thing in my life. What I would call my heart and soul. Can anyone honestly tell me that that is an easy thing to do. I don't think so. Music has been my life's passion and I am only 22. I've spent hours and days and months and years dedicating what little of my life there is to music, and yet it has failed me. Or perhaps it is the other way around. It seems I have come to a dead end. A spot where I can no longer grow as a musician. Everyone keeps telling me no. This is beyond sadness to me. My heart aches, and my soul feels like it's losing it's light, it's glow, the purpose of smiling. So what's next?

A distraction?!

Well I have been reading like crazy. I read all five books of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. Awesome! If you love mythology you have to check it out. Whether you are an adult or not this juvenile fiction story is surely an adventure. I also read the first two books of the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. I was really hesitant to read this because I'm not really into the survival of the fittest thing, but this book was truly awesome. The way the author plots the books are awesome. I can't wait for the final book in August.
I also read lots of Francesca Lia Block. She raises my spirits and I find myself smiling to myself often. She makes me long for green fields and fairy tales. Flowers in my hair twirling in the sunshine, in a sun dress drinking lemonade. Her stories always have a special place in my heart and they bring joy to me. Currently I am reading Northanger Abbey my the lovely Jane Austen. The world would be nothing without the beloved author of whom I share many thoughts with.

As for the other distraction...

That would be my wedding. Having set several different dates we are waiting to hear back from school to see if I got accepted to Cal Poly Pomona. At this point I no longer care if whether or not I get accepted to Cal State Long Beach or Fullerton, that's a dead dream. Cal Poly would be wonderful because Tanya still goes there and although they don't specialize in vocal performance I can still take lessons at RCC and take music theory classes at Cal Poly while majoring in English Lit or Creative Writing.
My wedding is a slow progress since I have lots of time. However my mama and I went shopping and I think I found my dress. It's very beautiful. But I don't want to just settle on the first dress so we are going to plan another day of shopping. I love my theme and I love all the ideas that I have. It's going to be really exciting.

So there you have it. My life in a nut shell. I still get lonely and bored from time to time and my heart often quivers from the thought of not being able to actively participate in something musically wonderful in the future but with the positive energy of my wonderful fiance I am slowly moving forward.

I'm just really looking for the next big thing.

The always dreaming,

p.s. just a little poem i wrote a long while ago.

You asked me jump
So I crawled to my knees
asking, "where is your love,
Have you proved it to me?"
So I jumped, I fell to my
death taking a rose from my lips
to stain you with this:

As I lay for eternity, my hands
cover my eyes-enclosing secrets
unsaid, a heart you left dead.
You asked me to cry
so I laughed in the forest
listening to trees
confess their love in the dark.

20 April 2008