Tuesday, April 20, 2010

In a nut shell

What else can really go wrong? Honestly! So it's been told to me many times that I just move on from singing. The one constant thing in my life. What I would call my heart and soul. Can anyone honestly tell me that that is an easy thing to do. I don't think so. Music has been my life's passion and I am only 22. I've spent hours and days and months and years dedicating what little of my life there is to music, and yet it has failed me. Or perhaps it is the other way around. It seems I have come to a dead end. A spot where I can no longer grow as a musician. Everyone keeps telling me no. This is beyond sadness to me. My heart aches, and my soul feels like it's losing it's light, it's glow, the purpose of smiling. So what's next?

A distraction?!

Well I have been reading like crazy. I read all five books of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. Awesome! If you love mythology you have to check it out. Whether you are an adult or not this juvenile fiction story is surely an adventure. I also read the first two books of the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. I was really hesitant to read this because I'm not really into the survival of the fittest thing, but this book was truly awesome. The way the author plots the books are awesome. I can't wait for the final book in August.
I also read lots of Francesca Lia Block. She raises my spirits and I find myself smiling to myself often. She makes me long for green fields and fairy tales. Flowers in my hair twirling in the sunshine, in a sun dress drinking lemonade. Her stories always have a special place in my heart and they bring joy to me. Currently I am reading Northanger Abbey my the lovely Jane Austen. The world would be nothing without the beloved author of whom I share many thoughts with.

As for the other distraction...

That would be my wedding. Having set several different dates we are waiting to hear back from school to see if I got accepted to Cal Poly Pomona. At this point I no longer care if whether or not I get accepted to Cal State Long Beach or Fullerton, that's a dead dream. Cal Poly would be wonderful because Tanya still goes there and although they don't specialize in vocal performance I can still take lessons at RCC and take music theory classes at Cal Poly while majoring in English Lit or Creative Writing.
My wedding is a slow progress since I have lots of time. However my mama and I went shopping and I think I found my dress. It's very beautiful. But I don't want to just settle on the first dress so we are going to plan another day of shopping. I love my theme and I love all the ideas that I have. It's going to be really exciting.

So there you have it. My life in a nut shell. I still get lonely and bored from time to time and my heart often quivers from the thought of not being able to actively participate in something musically wonderful in the future but with the positive energy of my wonderful fiance I am slowly moving forward.

I'm just really looking for the next big thing.

The always dreaming,

p.s. just a little poem i wrote a long while ago.

You asked me jump
So I crawled to my knees
asking, "where is your love,
Have you proved it to me?"
So I jumped, I fell to my
death taking a rose from my lips
to stain you with this:

As I lay for eternity, my hands
cover my eyes-enclosing secrets
unsaid, a heart you left dead.
You asked me to cry
so I laughed in the forest
listening to trees
confess their love in the dark.

20 April 2008

1 comment:

  1. what a beautiful poem!
    Keep up your faith, it's just a bump in the road :]