The Loewy Life

Lucky # Seven

2011-12-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

Sophie is 7 months now and it certainly is her month. All the problems and uncertainties about her and her growth attitude and happiness have pleasantly passed and we now greet a happier and calmer baby girl. We have finally reached a routine again. Scheduled times for eating, sleeping, playing and baths. Baths... I thank God she loves her baths again. She loves to crawl around and get her swipe at her toys, she loves to grab the bubbles and overall seems relaxed. We don't miss a single bath time with her because its the perfect transition into night time. It works out well and the nights are no longer as difficult as they use to be.

Well Thanksgiving came and went and unfortunately I don't have photos from being with my side of the family. But here are a couple cute photos of the children from Christians side.

Tristen (10 mons), Sophie (6 mons), Malaya (2yrs), Savannah (4 mons)

Thanks to Laura, I have been acquainted with pinterest.com and I found this delicious idea to make Cream Cheese filled Snickerdoodles. Sophie helped in the baking process.

I also took a picture of Sophie in her Christmas outfit. Here is a sneak peek. For those of you who haven't received the photo yet it's because I didn't order enough pics and have to get more or it is because I need addresses. But either way, expect one in the mail.

In the first week of December the Pico House got a Christmas tree and we took Sophie along.

Out kitten Alzar who was afraid of the tree at first.

Also that week we picked up my brother Jarrod from the airport. It was the first time he met Sophie and after playing with her for a while she really took a liking to him. Jarrod said he was determined to make her like him. I think it worked.

Christian has this thing with Sophie where he bounces her and she starts to talk. It's the cutest thing. So of course, I got it on video for your viewing pleasure...

Then it was Christians 24th birthday. We relaxed at home with the baby and had a nice dinner with some friends that night and had dinner with his family after.

After all that, Sophie is now 7 months! And I really think it's her "lucky" month!

Sophie just gets cuter and cuter. She's crawling everywhere. Chasing after the cats. She pulls herself up on everything, including me. And she's just so smart. She's a very eager girl. It was right after seeing Tristen and how he crawled so fast and pulled himself up on everything that Sophie seemed to do the very same thing after they left. She says "papa" now. or it's more like "pa pa ba pa bapa" It's very cute and I haven't managed to get it on video yet.

Other exciting news is that Christian got an amazing new job! He will start at the beginning of the new year. It's with a company called DaVita. Here he can make a career, finish school and support our family. God truly did bless us with this opportunity. We plan to move out in the middle of March if all goes to our plans.

I hope everyone has a very Happy Christmas! Please keep in mind and in your hearts that this Holiday season is yes about Jesus' birth and celebrating our faith, but it is also about the joy and happiness that the world shares together. Respecting and acknowledging each others faith and religion and Holiday happiness is the worlds greatest gift. So Happy Hanuka, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

6 months of Sophie Love

2011-11-22T11:51:00.001-08:00

Yes, I know... it's hard to believe that my little girl is already 6 months old. But it's true. And let me tell you, she is the best thing ever. Ya she screams and cries more often then we'd like, but she has the most intoxicating laugh, a beautiful smile and such eagerness that we know one day she'll do great things. Just two days ago Sophie advanced from doing the crawl and flop (as we call it) to a regular hand and knee crawl. She also had sweet potato for the first time and hasn't rejected it like she did with the banana. She is starting to pull herself up on things; mostly on me and Christian. Though I have caught her standing up in the crib and pulling up on the couch. And as always, I have pictures to share.

This is of Sophie's first crawling steps on 11/20

Sophie's 6 month photo on her blanket

Sophie in all her cuteness.

Sophie on Halloween with her cousin Savannah. Sophie hated her costume, by the way. It was a miracle just to get this shot of her being calm.

Last month The Loewy's and the Austin's went to the Wild Animal Park.

That's all for now. We hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Love you all.

Hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

Third Time Charms

2011-10-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Christian's mom Cheryl creates beautiful hand made jewelry. She just got her Etsy show up and running at the beginning of this month. Please take a look and see all that there is to enjoy.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/thirdtimecharms

Some ME time

2011-10-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

It took 5 months for everything to get fixed and properly healed, but I am please to say that in the beginning of October my OB/GYN told me that everything was finally healed after a successful reconstructive surgery. Which means I can go back to a normal life again and be my active self once more (I've got to admit that after 5 months of being almost bedridden, getting up and at em' was not easy).

So at the end of September I started school once more with a new major in Urban and Regional Planning - something completely opposite and different then what I have done and what I am use too, but I love it so far. Its hard work and it's going to take a lot of dedication, but I thank God that I have such a loving and supporting husband who understands that graduating means the world to me. It is going to take a lot longer then I would like, but after all the complaining I've done I realize that its worth it in the end. I can only take away so much time from Sophie and she is my number one, along side my amazing husband.

Speaking of husband, Christian is enjoying his six weeks of rest. Rest from work that is. He is so lucky to have the job that he has, for the time being, because they allowed him to take 6 weeks of Paid Family Leave, which he is thoroughly enjoying. But I think he enjoys just being able not to work and get a little me time for himself as well. It helps that Sophie has transitioned into being a somewhat difficult baby into a now playful baby and does not need so much attention, that is to say the "crying" attention. She is a lot easier to handle now that she enjoys playing by herself and with her toys throughout the day.

I do have to say my only sadness is that now I have to go back to work, which will happen sometime next week. For me that is the hardest part. Going back to school for 3 days, 6 1/2 hours on Mondays and Wednesday and 3 hours on Fridays is hard enough, but now it looks like I'll be working 3 days on top of that so that Christian and I can save money so that we are closer to moving out on our own. I love my Sophie and it's so hard to be away from her, and though I enjoy my "me" time at school, that's the only "me" time I want. I wish to God I could be a stay at home mom... perhaps one day but right now we are trying to do everything we can to better our family's future.

I have some projects that I'll post soon from my 5 months with Sophie. But that's all for now.

Hope you enjoyed!

~Shan

The Sweetest Laugh

2011-10-17T21:49:00.001-07:00

One of our favorite traits about Sophie is her sweet laugh. Sometimes they come out of nowhere and other times we seek it out, but either way it's so intoxicating.

Hope you enjoy!

~The Loewy's

p.s. This was a fun filled weekend and a new post shall be up tomorrow about our Wild adventure with the Austin's.

5 Month Sophie Owl

2011-10-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Today is such a beautiful day and Loewy's made the best of it by going to Old Town Temecula for some pictures I had to take for a class and quality time together. Sophie is 5 months today and we are so incredibly proud of her. Christian and I have bets as to when she will actually crawl. I think in the next 2 weeks, he thinks at the end of October.

It was a hot day in Old Town Temecula but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Mama time...

Papa time.

We hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

Bragging Right!

2011-10-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

Sophie is growing up so quickly, each and every day there is a new surprise. If it's not her cute little voice she finds more and more every day, it's her rolling, her happy baby feet pose, jumping while holding her, or her cute little laugh, now Sophie is sitting up on her own, playing with toys, and "standing" on all four's. She is truly the highlight of our every day. And today her tooth finally broke through the gums and needless to say, the pain is very present. Both for her, of course, and myself.

Here's a documentation of the last few days.

Last weekend we had a visit at Nana and Bumpa's house. Justice was so excited about Sophie. Unfortunately I don't have the picture of him holding her, but it's so cute.

Sophie likes to cuddle with Mama.

I made delicious Banana crumb muffins!

Sophie loves to sit and play. It was a cold day so she looks all snuggy-looking.

She's so ready to crawl!

(I tried to put a video, but it wouldn't load)

Hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

Check up Time

2011-10-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Sophie had her late 4 month check up and it was very exciting! She is 16 lbs and 10 oz, in the 90%. She is 25 1/2 inches long, in the 75%. And her head is in the 50%. Her doctor is very pleased with her progression and how strong she is. Some of Sophie's accomplishments so far are:

*Can roll over from both sides and from back to belly and belly to back

*She can hold her head up high and look around

*She does the army crawl

*She sits up on her own, but can't get there.

*She can hold her head on her own, no more bobble head

*She likes to jump. She marches in her little jumper.

*She knows her feet

*Can follow objects

*Grabs at toys

*She laughs out loud

*Smiles at smiles

*Responds to her name, or to voices

... as you can see Sophie is very talented.

Sophie is such a big girl, sitting up on her own.

Another exciting event that happened today was that Sophie had her first rice cereal experience. And of course, we documented it for your viewing pleasure.

She started off by chewing on the high chair.

She was very interested in what Mama had for her.

And in it goes!

Give me that Spoon Mama.

I should have just let her feed herself.

Happy Sophie!

Overall it was a very pleasant experience. Sophie didn't reject the spoon and she took to the feeding very well. She's getting so big. *tear*

Yesterday was also an exciting day. Sophie had her first visit to Disneyland!

Papa dressed up for the occasion and we went trick or treating. Sophie was intrigued!

We hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

Out little hoot is growing up

2011-09-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

It has been too long since my last blog, and for those of you who are hungry for some Sophie updates, my apologies. So I'll from where I last blogged, approximately.

Sophie turned 3 months on Aug 11. I dressed her in my 3 month outfit from when I was a baby because I thought it was appropriate

In August she started grabbing at toys and holding on to them fairly well (8/5) and she also started talking. We like to say she found her (8/12) voice because she would move her lips in a funny way and sometimes get so surprised by what was coming out. Here is a cute video for you to enjoy!

Later in the month Sophie started to grab at her feet (25th). She first did it when I was changing her diaper.

And on the 27th of August, my 24th birthday, Sophie rolled from her back to belly for the first time. Needless to say, she does it all the time. Especially in her crib when she's fighting nap time.

Other happenings is that she has gotten really good at the army crawl or scoot. She goes backwards and forwards. Sophie also laughed for the first time in the beginning of September when Mama plays with her little thighs. She laughed for Papa a few days later when he was pushing on her tummy.

Well on another side note, on August 25th I finally had my surgery. It was WAY over due but it came and the healing process has gone much smoother. I would have to say that needing the surgery was both misery and a blessing because it allowed me to stay home with Sophie for the first 5 months (and I'd say the misery is pretty apparent). A couple days later was my birthday and I spend it in bed with my Sophie Dopey...

And later in the evening we went to my Mom and Pops place for a nice homemade dinner with the family.

Christian surprised me with a visit from Tanya, which was very nice.

Now Sophie is 4 months old! I can't believe it. I look at her and think: Wow, she's so beautiful and such a blessing. This year has been by far the hardest but I wouldn't change it for the world. Motherhood is really something else. It is the most rewarding and difficult task a person can ever experience. To go from thinking I would never have a baby to this beautiful child is just amazing.

Sophie is nearly 15 lbs and about 26 inches from our measurement. She has her 4 month check up on Thursday.

Our difficulties at the moment are bath time. She went from loving her bath to completely hating it. However, over the last week we have made some progress. It is a goal of mine to get her calm and semi-happy before the bath is through so that when she is done she is not crying (screaming).

Yesterday I noticed a little glimmer of a tooth in front and last week I felt one in the back. So teething is very present.

Sophie is definitely more of a happy baby compared to a month and a half ago. Crying has died down and playing is more of a go. She still enjoys going outside, walks and looking at herself in the mirror. That always cheers her up.

Next week I start school and two weeks later I start back at work, which I think will be the most challenging things for me. The longest I have been away from Sophie is 5 hours and that was not by choice. However, Christian will be able to spend 6 weeks with Sophie for Paid Family Leave, which is very important for their bonding time. He is very excited about it, as am I. But I have to admit that I am also nervous- for the both of us.

I'll leave you with the Sophie Dopey and her full head of hair

Hope you enjoyed!
~The Loewy's

Cousin Emma!

2011-08-06T14:44:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we went meet our cousin Emma. It was a lovely time and we were surprised by their similar sizes with Emma being 3 months older. We enjoyed seeing Laura, and Emma as well as my Uncle John and Aunt Eileen.

Here are our little ones!

Sophie's Meet & Greet

2011-08-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

I've been the worst blogger. And I do apologize for that. Sophie had a big day two weeks ago and here are pictures that documented it!

Christian and I made Owl cookies that were SO yummy!

The lovely owl cake

She was just a good girl the whole day!

Sophie and Daddy

Our little Hoot of a family!

Sophie wearing the same outfit I wore as a 3 month old

Sophie and Mama

We had a lovely time! Thank you to everyone who attended and for all the lovely gifts. We hope to see you again soon!

Hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's

Splish Splash Sophie

2011-07-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been really rough as a family. Sophie was going through a colic phase, crying and fussing all the time. However, lately, thankfully, she has been soothing out of that phase. I have also been dealing with postpartum pregnancy healing and major abdominal pains which caused me to go to the ER.Thankfully, this past week has gone by a lot smoother. And some exciting things have happened. First, Sophie can lift her head at a 90 degree angel.

Second, Sophie turned 2 months old!

(and she's still a champion)

Also, Ainsley, my sister-in-law, gave birth to her second daughter Savannah on that very same day! Congratulations to the Villamore family!

Third, Sophie mastered the art of rolling over today! Her first roll over took place July 10 just in time for Nana to come home from Hawaii. She doesn't really like the roll over process but she's darn good at it.

And last but not least, Sophie loves her bath time. She figured out that splashing was fun.

I thank God that Sophie has seemed to mellowed out. Her days have been much easier. I also feel a lot better and am waiting patiently to get surgery to get repaired.

Hope you've enjoyed!

~The Loewy's~

Special Memories

2011-06-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a big one.

Lots of things have been occurring over the past couple weeks. For one their was Father's Day. We spent a beautiful sunny afternoon with Christian's parents Kris and Misty at Cal Stat University, San Bernardino where it happened to be their anniversary as well.

Also we have some milestones with Baby Sophie. She reacts to smiles and smiles back. It's the cutest thing! She also follows objects around, hold her head up by herself and scoots across the floor. She also fell asleep in her crib by herself for the first time two nights ago and slept for 6 hours straight for three nights in a row so far. Now I love this, but it also sucks when i wake up with overfilled breasts pads and milk on me. Gross!

On June 24th, it was Bryan and Stefany's wedding in addition to Bryan's birthday. Congratulations to them.

Today she also got a swing from Grandma Cheryl and Grandpa Griff as an early gift for the meet and greet party happening July 24th (invitations to come out shortly). Christian and I have been wanting one for a while because she loves to be bounced heavily to fall asleep and she loves movement. Also it gives us a break because she does love movement so much. Swings are awesome, genius idea!

(or christians genius for making it move with his jedi powers)

[he made me write it]

In other news... I finally changed my new name to Loewy for all things necessary. I am no longer a Zickefoose in the eyes of the law. It's hard to let my famous last name go because I love it so very much, but I am happy to be a family with Christian and Sophie.

Hope you enjoyed!

Love, The Loewy's

Five weeks

2011-06-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

She wasn't very happy with me.

My little hoot sleeping in her crib!!!

Sophie's First Freckle... and more

2011-06-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

I found Sophie's first freckle! Okay it might not seem as exciting to you, but it sure is to me. I am very well known for my moles and freckles and can't wait to see what beauty marks my daughter inherits. The freckle is on her right arm just below her armpit.

A little late but this is week three....

And here is week four. Already I can see how big she has gotten. It's crazy and amazing.

For some reason I am a blog-retard because it never does what I want it to (thus why my posts have been spread apart). But Sophie is doing great. Though a bit fussy, she's super cute and has the sweetest smile. She loves to take walks and be out in the sunlight. She is also sleeping in her crib better and has learned to soothe herself when in a fit. She also is more comfortable being by herself without me holding her all the time. Yay!

Christian loves to call her "sweetie" and I call her my little "hoot"

Hope you enjoyed!

~The Loewy's~

Adorable Photos

2011-05-31T15:11:00.000-07:00

Christian took these adorble photos of our baby girl and thought I would share them. Enjoy!

The last two weeks...

2011-05-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been so wonderful, though difficult at times. Sophie is so beautiful and amazing. It's hard to believe that I have this precious little being with me. Yesterday we put her hand prints in a little mold as well as her foot. She's still very small but her limbs are so long, just like her Daddy's. Her eyes are still a guessing game, though they look like they might be brown (to everyone's disappointment).

I stole this idea from my cousin Laura... I made Sophie a baby blanket and decided to take weekly photos of her on it as she grows. The first two photos are week one and the next bottom two are week two. I included the stretching photos because she loves to put her arms in the air to stretch. It makes since to me since I always felt her stretching in the womb.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures. I will try to keep it as updated as possible.

Love, The Loewy's

Daddy Time

2011-05-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

The thing that makes me the happiest everyday is seeing my two loves together.

Christian picked up fatherhood so well.

These are my favorite photos of my beloved family.

I can tell she adores her daddy so much already. She responds to his voice and loves to look at him. She's so adorable and he is so great!

My little Sophie Tess

2011-05-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am a proud mama to a beautiful baby girl named Sophie Tess.

Born May 11, 2011 at 7lbs 7oz and 21 inches long. She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Christian absolutely adores her, he's such a proud daddy and can't wait to play with her.

I never thought I could be so blessed. Times are not always easy but I look at my beautiful family and I am so happy. It's perfection in its own way - In the way of Love. Sophie Tess is a week old today and I can't believe it. I am so thankful for my life and family.

Baby Bundles!

2011-04-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am so pleased to introduce a Baby Bundle! With some of the free time I have acquired I have been dedicating it to crocheting- not just things for Baby Sophie but as a way to make a little extra income for our new family while I am off work.

For $40 dollars you can own this cute bundle that includes: A hat, an animal bib, a headband, booties, and a burping blanket. This, of course, is for a girl. For a boy the headband can be replaced for an extra pair of booties.
All orders are custom made by me with the colors of your choosing.

Other bundles include:

Buy 3 items and save 10%
Buy 6 items and save 20%
Buy 9 items and save 30%

Individually the items are as followed:

Headbands: $7.00
Hat: $10.00
Regular Bib: $10.00
Animal Bib: $13.00
Booties: $7.00
Burping Cloth: $8.00

If interested in any of the items you can email me at shannantess@gmail.com

Please spread the word and share with all the moms you know.

Love to all! Cheers!

Two weeks and counting!

2011-04-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

This is me at 37 weeks, currently I am at 38 weeks and 1 day. Everything is great and measuring fine. Doctor suspects I will be a bit late, but I am hoping no later then May 8th because that is Mother's Day and what a great gift it would be!

Christian and I have been keeping busy with work. Next week is my last week.

Our room is ready and prep for a baby Sophie. A couple weeks ago we went shopping with Grandma Cheryl, who has been such a help with everything we need, for a whole bunch of stuff. However, a lot more is always needed. If you feel so gracious as to gift us we are registered at: amazon.com, Babies R' us, and Target :D

Other then that I have been keeping busy with a ton of "Sophie Projects" or "baby crochet projects" these last couple weeks.

To the left is a photo of her Crib set up and to the right is a photo of Christian looking very proud of his handy work. He loves the stroller! He can't wait to take her out on trips.

Owl Bib for Sophie

Little Sophie Hat

Sophie Booties

Her colors are Orange, Green and Pink. I have also made purple Booties and more headbands to match different outfits and I'll probably make some more hats. If anyone is interested you can email me at shannantess@gmail.com to order any of the items I have put on my blog.

Sophie's First Baby Blanket

2011-04-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

I officially finished Sophie's baby blanket last night and I am so pleased with it. Its a tad bigger then I anticipated, but that just means she'll be able to use it longer and hopefully cherish it, as I cherished my baby blanket, as she gets older. In addition to the baby blanket I also made head band to match it. I made several other ones as well that I will share.

Only 3 more weeks until she is here, though the doctor says I'll probably be late so add another week to that. Things are finally coming together. As you can see below we set up the crib. Though we don't have bedding yet, but we plan to get that stuff sometime this week.

We are extremely excited for the little one to come. Christian can't wait to play with her and I know he'll be the best dad ever. I see the way he loves to play with our nieces and nephews and I think to myself that I am so blessed to have found a man as fun loving and caring as him.

If anyone is interested I sell them at $7 a headband or $12 for two.

All I need are the colors you'd like.

I'll keep updating as time gets closer.

Cheers!

Addictions, comments and other thoughts....

2011-01-31T12:32:00.000-08:00

You know what game is totally addicting to me: Bejeweled on Facebook. It completely distracts me from doing things I should be doing such as: writing another commentary for my Shakespeare class, looking up prices for things about the wedding, researching DJ's and catching up on my reading. I always say I'll just play one more game. But then one game turns into 2,3,4.... and so. Curse you Bejeweled.

A Blog that I like to follow is www.bethanyjoy.com. She is an actress on One Tree Hill that I adore. She has great music and I enjoy the show.
She recently wrote a blog about class regarding actresses, musicians and the like. The main purpose of it was: where has all the class gone? She mentions lyrics, music videos and people who are ultimately role models (because being in a "celebrity-like" position you automatically become a role-model in some form or another) are filling the minds of the children with "trash" so to speak and classless acts. And it's what I've been thinking for such a long time, I'm just glad I am not alone.

Now I completely agree with freedom of speech and expressing yourself freely, I'm a big advocate of it. However, I am torn with those who are not mindful about what young teenagers see and perceive as cool. Like the new shows Skins on Mtv based on a series from the UK. The show is about teenagers who act reckless from the influence of sex, drugs, and rock & roll theme. Now forgive me if I am wrong, but hasn't Mtv in the past been an advocate for being responsible for yourself, to go vote, practice safe sex and make the right choices. I just feel like this show is contradicting a lot of the messages they have put out there previously. I saw an interview that said the shows Skin helps some teenagers to relate to it and to also make the parents realize what their kids are up to. If I didn't know what my child was up to I would call myself a poor mother and feel sad that I allowed them to get that reckless. I understand that kids these days are exposed to all sorts of wrong doing but it's the responsibility of the parents to address those issues, not Mtv to make a statement to parents to show them what their kids are up to. In my opinion, it makes some dim-witted kids think, "well that's cool and exciting, I want to do that."

In other exciting news:
In 26 days I will become Mrs. Loewy. Whoop! Now it was hard for me to come to terms with changing my last name because I am so attached to it. But after thinking about it, I am so excited to feel like I have a family of my own, that I belong somewhere and don't have to try so hard to belong. I know where I belong, and it's in Christians arm and with my baby girl when she comes. I'll be sad to say goodbye to Zickefoose. It was the only reason, I believe many people remembered my name or remembered me at all. But after 23 years of being at the bottom of this list, it'll me nice to be somewhere in the middle.

Love to all!

I'm getting married!

2011-01-27T20:25:00.001-08:00

So my life has definitely taken a turn for the best in the last 6 months. I am 6 months pregnant, or 25 and a half weeks pregnant with a cute baby girl (she's predetermined to be cute), and about to marry a wonderful man so that I may become Mrs. Loewy!!!

The wedding has been progressing quickly started planning 6 weeks before the wedding date. That's because we finalized the date late because we were unsure with timing issues. But it's set and we have the site, the reception area, my dress, his ring, catering, center pieces, flower ideas.... almost the whole lot!

Christian and I couldn't be any happier!

I would be lying if I said it wasn't a tad bit difficult. My schedule is hectic. School every Tuesday and Thursday, work every Monday and Wednesday and every other Friday in addition to every Sunday. In between is wedding planning and baby prep along with trying to get our new room ready before the wedding.

So now I have to go cuddle with my man, but before I do, here is a sweet picture of Baby Sophie's Face.

New Crocheted Items

2010-12-17T15:07:00.001-08:00

Blush Gloves. $20

Color me Scraps Scarf. $20

Baby Blanket. $40

With the huge amounts of time I've had, from lack of work, I have been crocheting things and I have to say I am quite proud of them all. I do have another baby blanket that I finished but forgot to take a picture of it before it went away, hopefully I'll get that soon. With this rainy weather, I think scarfs and cute gloves are appropriate and I can accommodate any color a buyer wishes.

If interested you can contact me via email: shannantess@hotmail.com

Hope you like them! I also have previous designs in the later posts.

Little Sohpie Tess

2010-12-09T16:56:00.001-08:00

Sophie Tess at 14 weeks

Sorry, its been such a long time since I've blogged, which has prevented me from telling the exciting news. If you haven't figured it out already, We are having a little girl! yay! Christian was a bit disappointed but I already know that this girl is going to be so spoiled! With two Godfathers and an already protective dad... I hope that just makes me a cool mom. Christian and his best friend Cam are already practicing that scene from Bad Boys II where Will Smith's character finds Martin Lawrence's characters daughter going out on a date so they bully the boy a bit. But I suppose she'll need a bit of protection. If she's anything like her dad she'll be gorgeous. Blue eyes brown hair... I can't wait to meet her.

A week ago I felt her kick me for the first time! It was very exciting. We were on our way home from Disneyland and I just ate a piece of a delicious chocolate fudge cookie. I guess she must have liked it. Currently I am 18 1/2 weeks pregnant. And anxious to see her again. I have a check up a week from today, so I hope I get to see her again and see her little heartbeat. It's so weird. If I stay really still I swear I can feel it internally.

For now, I am enjoying the slow resolve of all the time morning sickness and her little movements that feel like butterflies in my belly. :)

Surprise!

2010-10-22T20:05:00.001-07:00

Well It's not a surprise to some. But here it goes...

In July Christian and I got in contact again and started talking. In August we were back together. This is great news because he is the love of my life and he makes me incredibly happy. We went to Disneyland for my birthday, we went to Las Vegas to see my Uncle, we went to the

beach, hung out with family and things have been wonderful.

News of this may come to a shock to some, I know my summer has been pretty crazy, but I believe some of it was necessary. I was still figuring out a lot about myself. It was a growing process for both Christian and I while we were apart, but we can never be apart for two long. We love each other so much and it continues to show everyday.

In September, the 17th to be exact we got even more news. Our little family is going to be growing to 3. That's right, I am pregnant and I am due May 6th.

Though this isn't exactly the right time for me considering I just finally started Cal Poly, Christian and I just got back together and our financial

situation isn't the best... I kinda see it as a blessing and miracle. The doctors, since I was 17, have told me that there is a strong possibility that I may never be able to have a child. So our little muffin is a miracle.

To be perfectly honest, I was depressed for the first 3 weeks of knowing but I have come to terms with and see that God gave me this special gift. There are still so many things I want to do in my life and I may not be ready and willing to have a child, but God has other plans for me it seems.

So I hope all who read this will be happy for me and know that I am so happy in my life right now. Things will be hard and my health is definitely a concern, but I have a great family support system and look forward to meeting my little baby.

Disneyland August 2010

Pie #3 - Lemon Meringue

2010-09-10T12:05:00.000-07:00

So my third pie is a Lemon Meringue. It's very yummy I have to say. Of course I started off with the crust, which went beautifully. I was very proud of the way it was made and how it didn't break. Although when I had to pre-fully cook the crust the weights were not heavy enough which caused the crust to shrink a bit and rise from the pan.

The lemon part was the easiest I have to say. I lot of lemon straining was involved. For the meringue, I kept thinking I was doing something wrong because it was only getting slightly puffy. Just turns out that it's meant to be whipped for a long time before the right fluffiness takes place (something I'll know for next time).

So although the meringue isn't fluffy, it still taste good. Today I'm going to bring it to work to share with my co workers. Hopefully they like it.

(someone took a chunk of the Meringue- i guess it was that good :D)

Things are just beginning.

2010-09-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

So... my birthday came and went without any hoopla. It's the way I wanted it to go anyways.

It started out with Monkey coming home from work, checking my email to find out an old friend of the family and his son got arrested for selling drugs, to receiving my incredibly cool new bike - a red cruiser with a cool red basket (i'll have to post the picture later)- going out to breakfast to have my favorite- eggs benedict, to going to Khols to pick up my second gift from Monkey - Reebok Simply Tone shoes - a quick stop at Barnes & Noble for a drink to pretty much spending the rest of the day playing Halo's ODST. The evening was followed by Sushi and tears with all the stress of the events with the family, coming home to make an awesome Pecan Pie (picture to the left) and drinking lots of wine and spa time. My favorite moments are the bike, the pie and kicking Halo butt while being really

tipsy. The other days follow with a small family gathering with none of my brothers showing up, going back to monkeys to drink more wine and spa time. Next day is, I have to say the best because it involves Disneyland where we brought Vodka and Cranberry juice. Fantastic idea! (not that Disneyland isn't awesome alone). It ended up being an absolutely beautiful and memorial day and the best part was that I kicked Monkey's ass on the buzz ride (picture to the right).

And that, my friends, was my birthday weekend.

In other news, Evan my younger brother was released from the house after several incidents, my mother is out of the ICU and is feeling better from her kidney infection, Evan is also healing from a big wound on his hand that led him a trip the the ER, my older brother Jarrod is high in spirits but is in and out of the ER and we are hoping he recovers from all his sicknesses soon.

The rest of September goes as follows, mourning my rejection into the RCC Chamber Singers, I guess that was bound to happen sooner or later, the death of music career and starting Cal Poly Pomona as an English Literature major.

Now it might seem that I am a bit bitter, and you could be correct in some ways, however. I am incredibly happy with one thought, that now options are wide open and the possibilities are endless. I have no ties to RCC anymore so I can disappear from that scene and soon I will disappear from Barnes & Noble seen if I can move closer to school and I can do whatever I want and start over. It's what I've been looking forward too for a while now. The possibilities seem endless and I am excited about them. I can start living a life, at least a new one.

It feels like things are just beginning, and I'm 23.

Pie!

2010-08-22T11:40:00.001-07:00

So there is this show that got cancelled a couple years ago. It was called Pushing Daisies. I loved that show. It was about this man named Ted who had the power to bring things back to life and he was a pie maker, owner of the Pie Hole. This summer I got reconnected with the two seasons that survived (thanks to Netflix) and became obsessed all over again. I went out and bought me an apron, which isn't finished, and a pie pan.

Well yesterday I made my first Pie. It's an Apple Pie Crust. It's so yummy too!

I told my parent that my new goal in life was to own my own pie store. I swear it could be the next big thing :) We'll see how it goes...

A Summer with my brother

2010-08-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

This is a really rough and spontaneous video we did where my nephew is recording. There will be a better one up soon hopefully. My Brother just bought a new guitar and a little recording device.

I was really hoping this summer would be filled with great music we could make and though I've written a lot of lyrics and melodies, life does get busy and my brother wasn't really as focused as I was. But that's okay. I know when the moment is right again, we'll make another great song we will be proud of.

When Jarrod and I are together, it feels like anything can happen. He has truly been my angel this summer. The big brother, and brother, I've always wanted. God granted me that this summer. In good timing too.

On Tuesday we hung out and after 5 mins of brainstorming we went to Disneyland where I obtained a pass. We had a little "spirits" with us, which made it all the more fun. Recreated a bit of his childhood memories since he hasn't been there since he was a child. And we both loved the fireworks... well I always do, but I was glad he enjoyed them too. We went home with great memories.

Jarrod has made this summer unforgettable. We've been unbelievably drunk together (while making this song), gone to the beach and spent time with Scott (my real dad), ate a ton of yogurt, shopping, bars, having great conversations and most importantly, had a ton of laughs. He taught me how to not to sweat the small stuff and brush it off my shoulder. He taught me how to laugh again as well.

I know he'll be leaving soon to have another adventure, and I'll miss him when he's gone. But I know when he does come home again, another Jarrod and Shan adventure will begin.

Love you Jarrod. Thanks for looking out for me

Proud of me

2010-08-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

My life is extraordinary. Honestly. This summer has been a blast so far and it always ends with my birthday which is happening in 18 days. I will be a 23 year old woman finally going to a University, living in my parents house, working at Barnes & Noble, writing and making music, recently blonde dreaming lady - with lots of potential, just waiting for opportunity. But most of all, I will be a self satisfied person. That is what I have been dreaming of my whole life. I am happy with me, myself, in my own skin. And yet nothing has changed except for the attitude that I surround my own thoughts with. I am proud of me. It's a huge accomplishment.

Thanks to all who have helped me get to this place.

Always a bridesmaid never a Bride

2010-06-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

Am I doomed? I have to fall in love or date the only boys on the planet that realize I'm just the girl to get to the next best thing. I'm that girl that they say, "Wow, she opened my eyes to so many things and now I am truly ready to go after what I want." But I'm never the girl who will be forever. The forever part is the, "I'll always be thankful for what you showed me." And that was again....

This past month has been so strange. I went back to my old ways of being single. I'm single and mingling. I flirt, tease, and wink then I go home and I'm alone in thought with nothing but my magic window starring at me like a judgmental little bitch. My magic window.... the place where I dream. It use to be so happy.

It's actually been happy. I haven't thought about Xtian aka Christian in a bit. I've got other things on my mind. Happy things like making music, a zombie movie, working, Browser, and lots of friends. Then I get the text. "Officially booked for 9-23-2011" Always a bridesmaid and never a bride. That is my dreaded fate. One of my good friends is getting married at the place where Xtian and I had loved. It's a stab in the heart. I am one of the bridesmaids. She was to have been one of mine as well. On top of that I have all these mags and a wedding planner book AND I still get about 5 emails a day for wedding stuff. And when you unsubscribe they ask "what is the reason?" OH BECAUSE MY FIANCÉ DOESN'T KNOW IF HE LOVES ME ANYMORE. How's that for a slap in the face. Thanks for asking.

I know they say love is supposed to be complicating and it's something you work at, but what happened to just loving someone. The simplicity of it. No games, just "I love you." But love has become a word produced too much. No one thinks of it the same anymore. Now it's like "love ya" or "I'll always love you in some way" or "I think I love her/him." LOVE. Love is passionate, crazy, irreplaceable, beautiful and smells like a rose. It's not "love ya" or we have to work on it, It's present. You do or you don't. And it's not a choice.

But I'm the girl that no one ever chooses to love, or if they do, it's not very long. It's a transitioning phase. I'm the girl in love with love who gets to be the bridesmaid who sees it and never gets to keep it.

Love's Failure

2010-05-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night

Talking trees and flying fish

Was I asleep last night
Shooting starts I couldn't wish

In the darkness of dreams
you stood in the light
We are upside down, drowning in dreams

Beyond the obvious
In the light from the sun
I'm not the one.
You stood in time
You're loves failure-
The sadness in my twinkle
So I sing Hallelujah
To the end of my life.

* I was originally writing in hopes of conjuring up a song in me, but then they all turn out into this poetic stream of consciousness. Who knows, maybe one day it'll be a song. For right now, it's part of my release.

Thoughts

2010-05-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

It became a story to tell, another page in a book-a memory erased. The best writing comes with dreams, dreams of love, to come and go. The ark days that flow so close.

If I shut my eyes I'll sleep forever, dreaming of a space to exist where love exist beyond two souls. Had I escaped, there'd be no letting go.

Time just froze. The magic is damage. I'm left with just a few, butterflies, I caught them on sight. I shut my eyes and I exist in a space where there is no you.

Black hearts stained by blood existing on the cut. Red is a dry desire that fire puts to shame. We become the game with a simple twist of fate. By and by I stand outside myself hoping to escape, yet I'm on repeat and it's too late.

Some ramblings going on in my brain that only make since to me. I thought it sounded poetic.

I'm a lucky girl

2010-05-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

So things have been good, but not necessarily easy. I have amazing friends. I forgot how amazing they are. Through everything we have been through and all my blah days they have really been there for me and are so supportive. It's a nice feeling to have. Yesterday we went out to karaoke. It was a blast. Here are a few shared moments:

The Beautiful Chelsea

Adoring Tanya

Caring Daniel

And the Sweetheart Hannah

I didn't even realize how lucky I was to have such great friends.

Summer of Great Things

2010-04-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

I would give up words just to have him hold me in his arms; I would give up singing to kiss his sweet lips; and I would give up breathing to hear him say I love you while his baby blue eyes looked deep into my brown. It is he that I love, he that I adore. It is my mistake for not telling him that as often as I should.

Christian and I have parted ways and after looking back on it further I am surprised he didn't call it off sooner. I have drowned myself in everything that is wrong with my life that it became unbearable for him to even be around me. I wouldn't have wanted to be around me. I lost hope, passion and happiness. But above all I lost myself. I forgot how to live without him. That was my biggest mistake.

I love him, but I haven't been able to love myself so how can he possibly love me. As the days pass I learn more and more of what I have been missing in my life, and that would be the value of my self-worth. It is little to nothing. So it is my hope that in this separation that I shall find myself again. Find all those things that gave me the simplest pleasure. A life apart from him, a life that I am comfortable standing alone in.

It pains me to part from him because I love him so dearly. Being with him is the happiest I have ever been. He gave me light when at the time I saw only but darkness. I didn't tell him enough that he is my best friend and my soul mate. He deserves to hear that everyday.

My hope is that on the way to discovering my self-worth is that he won't forget about me. He won't forget about our love or that what he have is something so special. I could never forget about him. And although he will not be in the making of my self discovery nor in the plans of my future he will undoubtedly be my inspiration for moving forward, moving towards happiness.

So while I am headed on this new path I plan to live it up. I know it'll take time, and though I am highly impatient, but I intend to take each moment and every opportunity to learn and do something new. Starting with a hand made positive poster to hang on my wall. After that I want to join karate, find an art class in town, buy a few books, start writing stories again, create more crocheting projects, learn how to speak French better, work on my body image... and spread all the love I can give around.

This is going to be a summer of great things.

A Rose Melody

2010-04-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

So here are several items that I make from my crochet line. Trying to start something new and fun. I would love all the help of spreading the word.

Blueberry Sunrise. $4

Flowers are $4 each or 3 for $10

Red and Gray Stripped Scarf. $20

Plain Jane. $4

Flirty Fire. $4

Pin Up Doll. $4

Purple, White and Gray scarf. $25

Irish Flag Beanie. $13

Green and Gray stripped scarf. $20

Sweet Lips. $4

Scarfs range from $20-$25. I also make baby blankets which sell for $40. All items can be made into requested colors.

More to come. Female beanies with Flower accessories. Baby headbands with Flower accessory. Pictures of baby blankets. I am more then happy to take in request to make anything as long as it is within my means of doing.

I came up with the name A Rose Melody because it was a blog name I had on Myspace. And I love roses, more like obsessed with them (as you might tell from the name of this blog). I am also passionate about music, and the beauty of them both kind of mesh together for me. So it seemed appropriate to pass on the name to my collection.

I hope you like and please spread the word. Thanks!

Shan

In a nut shell

2010-04-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

What else can really go wrong? Honestly! So it's been told to me many times that I just move on from singing. The one constant thing in my life. What I would call my heart and soul. Can anyone honestly tell me that that is an easy thing to do. I don't think so. Music has been my life's passion and I am only 22. I've spent hours and days and months and years dedicating what little of my life there is to music, and yet it has failed me. Or perhaps it is the other way around. It seems I have come to a dead end. A spot where I can no longer grow as a musician. Everyone keeps telling me no. This is beyond sadness to me. My heart aches, and my soul feels like it's losing it's light, it's glow, the purpose of smiling. So what's next?

A distraction?!

Well I have been reading like crazy. I read all five books of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. Awesome! If you love mythology you have to check it out. Whether you are an adult or not this juvenile fiction story is surely an adventure. I also read the first two books of the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. I was really hesitant to read this because I'm not really into the survival of the fittest thing, but this book was truly awesome. The way the author plots the books are awesome. I can't wait for the final book in August.

I also read lots of Francesca Lia Block. She raises my spirits and I find myself smiling to myself often. She makes me long for green fields and fairy tales. Flowers in my hair twirling in the sunshine, in a sun dress drinking lemonade. Her stories always have a special place in my heart and they bring joy to me. Currently I am reading Northanger Abbey my the lovely Jane Austen. The world would be nothing without the beloved author of whom I share many thoughts with.

As for the other distraction...

That would be my wedding. Having set several different dates we are waiting to hear back from school to see if I got accepted to Cal Poly Pomona. At this point I no longer care if whether or not I get accepted to Cal State Long Beach or Fullerton, that's a dead dream. Cal Poly would be wonderful because Tanya still goes there and although they don't specialize in vocal performance I can still take lessons at RCC and take music theory classes at Cal Poly while majoring in English Lit or Creative Writing.

My wedding is a slow progress since I have lots of time. However my mama and I went shopping and I think I found my dress. It's very beautiful. But I don't want to just settle on the first dress so we are going to plan another day of shopping. I love my theme and I love all the ideas that I have. It's going to be really exciting.

So there you have it. My life in a nut shell. I still get lonely and bored from time to time and my heart often quivers from the thought of not being able to actively participate in something musically wonderful in the future but with the positive energy of my wonderful fiance I am slowly moving forward.

I'm just really looking for the next big thing.

The always dreaming,

Shan

p.s. just a little poem i wrote a long while ago.

You asked me jump
So I crawled to my knees
asking, "where is your love,
Have you proved it to me?"
So I jumped, I fell to my
death taking a rose from my lips
to stain you with this:

As I lay for eternity, my hands
cover my eyes-enclosing secrets
unsaid, a heart you left dead.
You asked me to cry
so I laughed in the forest
listening to trees
confess their love in the dark.

20 April 2008

For the sake of blogging....

2009-12-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

I felt the need to blog just for the sake of blogging but I have nothing interesting to say. Not really. Which, oddly enough, has been the case for the past year. All of a sudden I have nothing to say and nothing to write about. I keep telling myself that I want to start working on my poetry more or start writing a short story. I have all these ideas but I never put thought to paper (or more realistically, to computer). It's rather annoying. A year and a half ago I couldn't shut up with things to say and I wrote all the time. Maybe it's because I have too many things on my mind that I can't separate the thoughts, everything at this point is a big blur. For instance: paying off my credit cards, holding enough money for a savings, getting into a university, pursuing music, writing my own music, focusing on vocal performance, auditions for universities, looking towards a better career, my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend, my sisters wedding and me being the maid of honor with a lot to do, continuing to mend the relationship with my father, afraid to mend my relationship with my father because of fear of getting hurt again....

All of this I use to channel into writing but the focus' all came in seasons and lately it's building up. I could build a mansion with dozens of big rooms with different focus' to which my attention is at; to where it use to be just one small house and there were problems one after the other, now there are problems in bulk. Ugh....

My best friend Tanya is going to Texas for the holidays. She is leaving Saturday. This kind of saddens me, but I know she needs to spend time with family. Tanya is truly an empowering woman. I love her.

That is all for now....

Updates

2009-10-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

This week I am moving out of my parents house, and yes its for good. They already have plans to move my little brother into my room. Dont get me started on the many countless times my younger brother, 20, who has moved out and they have just left the room there for him. You can imagine that I am not leaving on good terms. But there is a happily ever after. I will be moving in with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and his family. A place I can feel at home.

In other news. I am working, a lot. Finally! I work Monday through Friday at an afterschool program called THINK Together where I finally obtained a classroom of my own. It's the first time this program has been at this school, before it was Boys and Girls Club. It was really rough at first, however the kids and I get a long great. Its a great place to work, and I enjoy the fun kid like things I get to do! I still work at Barnes & Noble, which seems to be going better. I picked a couple shifts this week, however small, it pays for my gas at least.

As far as Christian and I go, we are saving up for a future life together. *Hint* Im keeping my fingers crossed. We are so happy in love, never thought it would truly be like this. Our relationship has blossomed and we have matured as adults through understanding of each other and through a better understanding of the future in terms of what we want out of life. He works still at the YMCA 6 days a week and he is taking an online class at RCC.

In cooler news. The RCC Chamber Singers got invited to sing at the Star Wars Concert at the Honda center last week and Nokia Center this week. Its really awesome, another once in a lifetime experience I suppose.

On Oct 12, Our Zickefoose, and Doran, family pet is scheduled to be put down. Penny is getting old and it's hard to see her in constant pain everyday. Although lately it seems that she's been more active and puppy like. As always she loves being the center of attention, so even in pain she'll get up and walk around when family is here. She will be truly missed. She is the one thing that really brought this big family together. My siblings and I share memories from when Theresa and Scott were together in our younger years to Theresa and Kevin together with the add on of Melyssa, Jarrod, and neices and nephews - Kaylen, Justice and Molly.

I continue to crochet through the stress and I am hopefully going to start writing again. November is National Novel Writing month. I think it would be a great project for all. Write 175 pages or 50,000 words in one month. If interested go to http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Until next time...

Our beatiful puppy.

A summer to Remember

2009-09-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Summer has been very good to me. Though I am broke now. But I thought I would just just share a few pics of my journey this summer.

Still waiting and The night is passion

2009-08-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

What a great way to start a project... by forgetting about it. So today i am posting two poem, however one is lyrical, which is recent and the other is older.

Enjoy!

Still waiting...

She will love you with her smile
Talk a walk that lasts for miles
She will drown you in her lips
Wipe away those tears with a kiss

She will guard you with her life
Though you hate it when she fights
And when she's lying in your arms
You still find ways to be alarmed.

But that's not all...

She will caress your weary soul
Put it all into a bowl
She will give you all her affections
And make love without discretion...
knowing, oh, its not enough.

So she will dance inside your head
While you figure out the rest.
Yes she will love you from a far
and let you make love to life instead
of her...
But don't take long, please dear.

There's a song I love to hear,
A simple tune that makes things clear
About a girl who dreams in bed
Who loves a boy, last thing she said...
I'll be waiting, don't take long, please dear.

And if the sun won't seem to rise
You feel lost deep inside
Remember stars still have their shine,
They'll be bright days ahead
and
Please know,
That you dance inside my head
While you figure out the rest
Know i love from a far
Please find comfort in who we are.
I'm still waiting, dear

The night is passion

You asked me jump
So I crawled to my knees
asking, "where is your love,
Have you proved it to me?"
So I jumped, I fell to my
death taking a rose from my lips
to stain you with this:

As I lay for eternity, my hands
cover my eyes-enclosing secrets
unsaid, a heart you left dead.
You asked me to cry
so I laughed in the forest
listening to trees
confess their love in the dark.

I lay in wonder

2009-08-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

I love poetry! I have been writing poetry since I was in high school. However, for some time now I have put it on hold and recently its been brought back into my life. So I have a project of my own. Everyday for 6 months I am going to post a poem whether it be old or new to share. Poetry use to be an important part of my life and it saved me in a lot of ways. And in this particular time of my life, I could use some more saving.

Here is the first entitled:

I lay in wonder

Your touch embraces me with time.
The slide of your hand creates
The woman that I am, the woman
I long to be. Make me a woman!
No darkness can hide this power,
The strength of lust and burning desire.
Our bodies scream and Lightning roars.
When our bodies touch
Water pours - you are my boat.
Hearts are throbbing louder and
The paleness of love echoes-
It's flushed in your face. I lay in wonder.
Am I yours for desire? The shape
Of my body is yours to burn afire.
My eyes have deceived once more.
They are not enough to lure
You. The passion I yearn for is lost,
This vision is to far out of reach.
The night takes me on an adventure I
Fear I'll never reach. I lay in wonder.
Why can my body not speak? Why
Won't you let it release? My dimple is too
Cute, it gives you an excuse. If I let my
Secrets go, will my vision of your
Heart race for me? Can my lips help you to
Escape (passionately with me)? Your
Body makes me blush, the
Strength of your arms I crave. I lay in wonder.
Will I ever make you smile? It would be so sweet.
Your touch and smile, your strength and your body-
Could complete the absence inside of me.
If it would only press against me. I lay in wonder...
Will I ever be loved? Will I ever be desired?

Nature's Story

2009-05-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

To the left is my beautifully wild and spirited cat, Beethoven. Her name is all the explanation she needs :)

Somehow this piece was saved from the loss of my laptop. I emailed myself a lot of my work and saved some writings on my parents computer. I wrote this extremely unfinished short piece in August of 2007. It's one of those pieces where I am not sure where it's going, but I know and remember what I was feeling and I tried to best illustrate that through writing. It's not very mature, or polished because this is the first time I am seeing it since I wrote. Perhaps some day I will go back and re-exam but I like keeping them the way they are. It shows more of the character that was me when I wrote it, and that's why it's special to me. Whether is actually good or not, it has some personality.

I hope you enjoy:

She slid her hands ever so gently across the white crimson petals so as to not break the fragile beauties. The bees floated along the honeysuckles like clouds float in the skies, except there intentions are greedy, not as clouds are, which are to provide imaginative creatures, shapes and sometimes protection from the sun, she thought. She watched the wind create ripples in the grass, moving as such do waves. The grass was long and hair-like, except pointing in the opposite direction. She often thought about standing on her head, if she could, so that the grass was right side up-but the effort was too grave. She also thought about braiding a few strands of the grass but voted against it-she didn’t like disturbing the winds mean for play.
The trees stood tall and mighty like giants with kind faces. Most of the trees had long string-like branches with small leaves falling softly above her head, she liked to think of it as the trees way of saying hello. These trees provided shade and sometimes donated there long string-like branches with leaves attached for her to play with. She liked to pretend she was a warrior, hunting through the wilderness or she would use the branches for jewelry to keep the tree, her protector, with her always. In the end, she always gave it back, the branch, she didn’t like to keep. After all, the branches weren’t hers to begin with, the tree was merely sharing.
Under the tree she would stare aimlessly at the ants. They marched one by one, one after the other all over the roots of the trees, one tree in particular actually. She always wondered why. Just like she always wondered why no one else came to this spot. She was particularly glad of it, but was a bit saddened that it was neglected from time to time when she could not make her regular visit. Reality summoned her often and seemed very demanding of her.
The ants followed each other robotically, as if some being controlled their every move. When one ant distorted the line, the others would attack it, punishing it and ultimately killing it. She didn’t like watching this part, though she couldn’t help but watch the murderous act. She felt obligated to feel pity for the ants whom died in vain.
Most times she felt robotic, which was exactly why she came to this spot so often: to dream, to wonder, to explore.

The Randomocity of my mind

2009-05-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is an awesome picture I took when at the Plateau. I love how the light just bursts through. Its beautiful.

...So I often will get glimpses, more like dreams, of possible future stories. I write them on a piece of paper and then they usually get thrown in the back of my folder or put in a pile on the ground by my desk. This story was lucky enough to get through the mess that is my life. It found a little bit of light, hence why i put the bursting of light picture up.... I am fond of it this writing. I don't know what it means or where it is going. But I like it. So I will share it:

11 April 2009
Not long ago I was a child, a wild spirit. Full of dreams, fairy tales and magic- I was surrounded by peace. Blue skies were endless, even when the clouds tried to over power; it was a game we played. There were times when I welcomed the clouds, the constant rain, the fever of the cold, and the dark empty spaces. It was what I connected to the most; and most days, still do. And in those dark spaced I played games with fire flies. I’d capture them in the web of my despair and they would respond with a glimpse of the future. It felt like dreams, like the magic I use to capture in the innocence of my youth. Time would freeze and the cold felt like fire burning beneath my skin. It was a drug. A drug I sought night after night to escape these urges that overpowered me every day. In time, I became a stranger to myself and to reality. Nothing seemed real anymore.